And A Bottle of Rum
by Iorhael-nin
Summary: This started out as an RPG with my friend HeeroDuo4eva. Has some anime in it, LotR, and very brief spots of Harry Potter characters. This also began as part of the Closet Chronicles, one in a series like it. I'm not sure how to categorize it, so just rea


_. . . And A Bottle of Rum_

Yes, this Fanfic is very odd. Deal with it!

This also includes some characters from Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter (very briefly and very few characters- eight combined at most). The general topic is life, liberty, the pursuit of making out in closets, and of course- rum. There are many varieties on this basic fanfic topic, all of which we have written. (^_^)

This fanfic has four main characters.

Disclaimer: We own neither Jack Sparrow nor Will Turner (in reality anyway... wa-ha-ha-ha-ha!).

_Main Characters_

_Victoria (Vic) Francesca_

_Will Turner Jack Sparrow _

_On With the Show_

Well, here's our fanfic! It's a work-in-progress kind of thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

V & F: YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM!

J: WHERE?!

F: THERE IS NO RUM!

J: Alright...

F: NO, WE HAVE TO GET SOME GODDAMN RUM!

V: Jesus, is that all u think about?

W: Pretty much.

V: Thought so.

J: It's okay, we don't need any rum...

F: YEAH WE DO!

J: Ah just get in the goddamned closet, Francesca.

V & W: *Roll eyes*

F: .... Oh. Okay

J: Where's the closet? 

F: Oh shut up.

J: *laughs*

V: Hey Will?

W: Yeah?

V: * opens closet and throws Will in*

W: WHA-?!

V: Cya later Fran. *walks in closet*

F: Bye Vicky. *winks*

E: Will? Will? Has anyone-- *thud comes from closet*

*Elizabeth knocks on closet door*

*Jack answers, quite dissheveled, actually*

J: *slurred* Yeeesss?

E: Where is W- oh... Hello Francesca.

F: *turns to Jack* Who invited her?

E: *glares at F*

V & Will: *oblivious to everything*

J: You know, that's a very good question. Will's... erm... 'indisposed', and I should also be, so if you'll excuse me...

E: Do you mean to say Will is sick?

J: Yes, and whatever he had is very..... contagious. Bid you farewell, Elizabeth. See you in the morning, or maybe a few weeks...

*closes closet door*

*lock clicks*

E: *walks to other closet in a huff*

*knocks on closet door* 

V: *pokes head, hair is in dissary, and is wearing Will's shirt* 

What the fuck do you want?

E: I AM TRYING TO FIND WI- OH.. MY GOD!

Jack: *laughs from inside the closet* *repetative thud*

V: He's eh, currently tied up....

E: Well whatever he's doing, I must see him now.

F: *mutters to Jack from closet* I think she means he's really tied up. *laughs*

V: Well whatever u want, I'm sure he doesn't care.

E: WILL! COME HERE! WHERE ARE YOU? *tries to see into dark closet*

*repetative thuds from J&F's closet*

E: *turns to the closet* *mutters* Well of all the indecent things...

J: Oh don't get your knickers in a twist, Elizabeth, you'll soon get your eunuch back. 

W: Fuck off, Elizabeth *pulls vicky back into closet and locks door*

*repetative thuds*

E: OF ALL PLACES, IN A CLOSET, MR. SPARROW!

Jack: *pokes head out of closet* It's better than on the 'Pearl. Do you know how hard it is in there? Ship swaying back and forth, people bargin' in-

E: THAT WILL BE ENOUGH, MR. SPARROW.

J: Fine, I've got more important things to do anyway...

*repetative thuds*

E: *swings open door to W&V's closet* WILL!

W: WHAT THE HELL?!

V: * grabs a blanket that happened to be hanging there*

E: *in tears* GOD'AM IT, WILL! Why her? Why not me?

J: 'Cause you're a pissy, demanding prude, 'at's why, love.

W: Exactly- couldn't of said it better.

E: *bawls* BUT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! AND YOU'D GIVE UP BEING A PIRATE TO BE WITH ME!

W: What? Oh, well I didn't give up piracy, and i hate you, and GOOD BYE!

J: *pops head out of closet* You should've known- once a pirate, always a pirate. You can't expect him to give up who he is. *pops head back in* *locks door*

E: *locks V & W's door from outside* I HOPE YOU AND YOUR LITTLE WHORE DIE!

V: Wonderful, were locked in. *ignoring Eliz*

W: Well it isn't all that bad, is it? * you know what happens next*

F: *gets out of closet* That's a bit too much, love. *beats the crap out of Elizabeth, throws her into a big fisherman's net*

V: *from inside closet* THANK YOU! I owe ya, Fran!

Jack: Forgot something? *throws Francesca pants*

F: Oh *blushes* right.

F: *still wearing his hat on her head* SHIRT, MAYBE?

J: *throws his red bandana* Make do.

F: *sighs*

*Jack walks out in odd pirate-like boxers and his shirt*

F: Wha...?

J: Well.. you took my pants, love.

F: I need them more than you. Bring me that box over there.

J: Why do you need them more?

F: Because I don't have my underwear.

J: Your knickers? ... So?

F: So I can't go bare around them...

J: ...Those two? *points to closet* They wouldn't know if a cannonball crashed through the--

V: *walks outta closet wearing wills shirt and her own pants*

W: *walks out wearin only his pants* Yo-ho, what's happening?

Francesca: Well, Elizabeth's going to be shipped to the middle of the Mediterranean to that island that Jack was sent to- twice, actually.

V: *snickers*

J: Never drink my rum again, the bitch.

E: *still screaming, muffled, for help*

F: Want to help us get her out to the cargo ship?

W: Didn't she burn your rum?

J: Oh yeah... Who drank my rum then?

F: *grinned* Well...

V: Sounds like fun, I'll help.

W: As will I.

Aragorn: *runs in* Legola- Ooh.... wrong set...

F: Oh... Who are you? *Glances at butt*

J: Come off it, love. He's not much...

Aragorn: Pardon me, miss. I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, King of Gondor, also known as Elessar, Longshanks, Strider---

J: Yeah, we get the point. Now what in 'ell are you doing here?

A: Well I was... *stares at Will* My... you do resemble my partner, Legolas, whom I am seeking.

V: Who is this Legolas?

A: He is an Elf of the Mirkwood Realm, the Prince, to be exact, son of---

J: A BITCH- JUST CUT THE NAMES AND TELL US WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!

V: i meant, what did he look like...since he resembles Will.

Aragorn: Ah, yes. *Turns to Will* He's exactly your height... your face.. but golden hair and fair elven skin. Clean-shaven, also. Elves do not have beards by nature. And also pointed ears.

V: *drools*

W: You're droolin, Victoria.

V: Oh, oops.

J: What a load of– 

F: Sorry, we haven't seen him. But while you're here, do you mind helping us with this?

A: I regret I cannot.

F: Why not?

V: Ya, why not?!

A: I am searching for my confidant because we we tracking a pack of orcs to the cliffs when I came upon this arbitrarily placed set...

F: Oh, well.... There are three orcs in this crate.

A: You do not lie? *eyebrows raised*

J: *whispers in Francesca's ear* What the bloody hell is an orc?

F: *whispers back* Not a clue, but it solves our problem.

V: * snickers queitly*

W: * elbows vic*

V: * still laughin*

Aragorn: Then I shall relieve you of this burden *picks up crate* though it is quite light, even for a single orc.

F: A new breed, perhaps?

V: *tries not to crack up*

Aragorn: *looks terrified* Possibly so! I must find Gandalf at once and tell him of this new race of orcs, for they may be more dangerous than all the other creeds combined! *runs off with the crate, Elizabeth's muffled screaming mistaken for orcs*

J & F: *both crack up uncontrollably*

V: *bursts out laughin*

W: *rotfl*

J: Now, where were we? *kisses F*

F: Not out here, Jack. You've no self control.

J: If I remember correctly, I didn't down a whole bottle of rum.

F: Yes you did.

J: ... You're right, I did...

F: Just not today.

J: See? Self-control.

W & V: * makin out*

F: Speaking of self-control... *clears throat*.

V & W: *keeps makin out oblivious to anythin else*

J & F: *shove them in the closet and close the door*

J: To the closet?

F: Now that you mention it...

*closet swings closed*

*lock clicks*

*silence*

*repetative thuds*

*A FEW HOURS LATER*

*dramatic fade*

Jack (as narrator): *the next morning, actually*

Francesca (as narrator): *oh shut up, Jack-- I know that*

*THE NEXT MORNING*

*second dramatic fade*

(8:00 AM)

F: *yawns* Morning, Sparrow.

J: Morning, love.

W&V: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

F: So, what shall we do today? And no- that is NOT an answer.

J: It worked for yesterday.

F: How about we go drive the rich women and their overdressed husbands out of their minds in the square?

J: And how shall we do that?

F: Guess.

J: Ah......hm... running bare naked past the shop windows?

F: No, but very creative.

J: *chuckles* Right then... We'll dress as nobles and tell them that we're from the head of the goverment and their money's gone and watch them run around in circles screaming.

F: You know nobles' clothes are too expensive.

J: Since when do you have to buy anything?

F: Still...

J: Alright... How about.... I KNOW! We'll follow that Aragog fellow to his time and screw up the world!

F: One, no- we can't follow someone into a different time, and two- it's Aragorn.

J: Aragorn, Aragog- who cares?

*HP walks in* ARAGOG?! WHERE?!

Ron:*follows Harry* I DON'T LIKE SPIDERS...

Jack: NO, NO, NO! FIRST THAT STUPID ARAGORN FELLOW, NOW YOU TWO BLOODY KIDS!

V&W: *walk out in fresh clothes* wtf?

Harry and Ron: What...? Where's Aragog?

F: No, we said Ara-GORN.

H & R: *long pause*... Oooooohhhhh.

R: I don't get it.

Jack: Foget it, just go back where you came from.

*Harry and Ron apparate*

Francesca: Hello Will; Victoria.

Jack: William and Victoria Turner. Has a nice ring to it...

Francesca: William and Victoria...

V & W: *Blushes*

J: Hm...

Francesca: What is it, Sparrow?

V: Jack and Francesca Sparrow, sittin' in a tree, f-u-c-

W: Don't give them ideas.

V: *giggles*

Jack: *snickers* Too late.

Francesca: *elbows him*

Jack: Tree... closet.. both wood.

F: JACK!

V: *ROTFL*

*Legolas walks in*

L: Have you seen my....---

F: Friend? Aragorn? About this high, stubbly beard, King of Gondom and all...

V: *stops laughin* Hello!

J: What? Condom?

F: No, Gondom.

L: Gondor.

F: Right.

V: * Stares*

W: Oh come on, i'm better lookin then that.

F: I agree.

J: HEY!

F: And you're better looking than Will.

J: Nice save.

F: Nice ass.

J: You or me?

V: Him

F: Jack?

V: No, Legs.

L: I'm Legolas, not Legs.

F: No, you certainly are legs, aren't you?

L: *blushes*

V: KAWAII!

W: *elbows Vic*

F: Oh contain your joy, Victoria. Will's more attactive than Lotsalegs over here.

L: That's Legolas.

F: Whatever.

V: You bet your ass Will is cuter.

V: *kisses Will*

J: But I'm still-- 

F: Yes, Sparrow, you're still the most gorgeous man alive. Happy?

J: Yeah.

F: Good.

L: *looks confused*

V: Oh go dissapper, Legs.

F: Listen, Leggylass, your friend is down at the harbor disposing of a particularly nast orc.

L: *arrow pointed at Francesca's head* MY... NAME... IS... LEGOLAS!

V: * pulls her bow out and aims and arrow at Leg's legs* Hurt her and die.

J: *aims gun at Legolas' head* Or better yet, you won't be just be a stump with arms, you'll also be a headless stump with arms.

W: *unseaths sword and points a Leggo*

L: What is that? *eyes cross at sight of gun*

J: A real man's weapon. *looks at Will's angry glare* Oh yeah, and a sword, too. Yes, very manly.

F: *rolls eyes*

V: *snickers, but doesn't take eyes off of Leggo*

L: *lowers bow*

V: Good boy.

*then, with three swift movements, Legolas grabbed his knife, sliced the bow and arrow in half with his sword*

V: God damnit. *throws a punch at Leggo*

*Leggo dodges* *aims arrow at Francesca*

V: shit!

Jack: If you value your pret'ey lil face you will let... her... go.

Legolas: Not unless you say my name correctly.

Francesca: What is it again?

Legolas: You're coming with me to Aragorn. He shall deal with your kind.

F: *mutters* Touchy, touchy, touchy...

Jack: YOU... DO NOT... LEAVE.... LEG-A-LAMB!

Legolas: *releases arrow*

J: Aaaahhhhhhh! *falls to on knee* Goddamn you, Leggins!

F: JACK!!!

*Legolas takes a knee to the....*

*Falls to ground*

F: You'd better not be badly hurt, Sparrow.....

L: *voice breaking* Aragorn!

*Five secs later, Aragorn appears*

F: Oh not you again!

A: Something is amiss.

J: No.. He was right on target.

A: No, I mean... ah... forget it. What's wrong?

*Jack is laying with his head in Francesca's lap looking up at her*

F: *fakes a smile* Don't enjoy the view too long, Jack. You'll be alright.

L: *high voice* Not with those arrows, he won't. I've killed Orcs even with just one arrow to the foot.

F: Shut up, Leggo.

L: *high yelling voice* IT'S LEGOLAS!

J: You'll be Leggo-less when I get through with you... *sharp groan* Ah... as soon as I can walk...

F: Shhh... rest. 

J: Can't you just tell me to shut up so I don't sound like a lame horse?

F: Shut up.

J: Right.

A: Legolas!

Legolas: *still high voice* Greetings, Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, King of Gondor, Elessar, Weilder of the Flame of Arnor,...

Francesca: Actually that last one's Gandalf.

Aragorn: You've just been told, my friend.

V &W: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

F: Yeah, GoldiLegolocks.

L: *really high squeaky voice* IT'S LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

V: oh shut up

A: Save your strength, my friend *laughs to himself*

L: *growls- sounds like chiuawa*

A: Mr. Sparrow, I must take to you the Houses of Healing for that wound.

J: You're not taking me anywhere, King of Condom!

F: That's Gondor, and you're not taking my man away!

A: I must- he is wounded.

J: *shoots him* So are you.

A: *falls to ground* *draws sword* I must smite those who threaten Gondor...

J: *shoots him again*

A: *face hits floor*

V&W: *snicker*

L: AI! MY KING!

J: Oh shut up, Chicken Leg.

L: *grabs bow*

J: *shoots off his....*

L: *screams really loud like a lil girl*

V: Oh my....

W: That just had to hurt...

F: *laughs* That was so funny....

A: LEGOLAS!!! NIN MELETH!!!!

V: KAWAII!

F: *eyes widen* Well I didn't expect that one...

W: *sweatdrops*

J: I knew he was gay. No straight man in his right mind would wear that crown.

F: Shut up, Sparrow. *wraps bandage around his leg*

J: *sharp groan* Don't you have to suck the poison out?

F: Don't even try it, Sparrow.

J: Not fair....

V: Speaking of gay...I saw some fanfiction with Jack and Will as the main couple.

J: *glares at Vic* ....You say that again and the next time I call Will a eunuch, it wiill be TRUE.

F: HUSH, SPARROW!

Aragorn: *reaches for sword again* NIN MELETH!!!

V: *giggles*

J: *shoots him twice*

F: Damn. Oh well....

W: * is speechless*

A: *gets up*

J: What the–

A: I am one of the Dunedain, I cannot die.

V: what?

F: Doesn't that just mean that you're blessed with long life?

A: Oh... right... *falls to the ground*

*Gondorian army picks him up and carries him out*

W: Well that took long enough

J: God dammit....*unconscious*

F: SPARROW!

V: Ah! Now what?!

F: Sparrow.... WAKE UP.....WAKE UP!!!!

*silence*

F: ....Rum?

J: WHERE?!

V & W: *burst out laughing*

F: We have to get you to a doctor, with or without those damn Gondorians.

J: But...the rum!!! Where's the RUM?!

F: Nevermind the rum! You'll die soon without a doctor.

J: Ah damn... Where's the gay blond one I shot the dick off of?

F: SPARROW! *laughs* He's over there...

V: Language...

L: *hoarsely* It's Lego...*dies*

V: No!!!!!!! He was kinda cute...reminded me of you will.

W: *glares* Really?

V: Yes, but you're much better looking. * kisses will*

J: Damned poison arrows....

F: Here. *opens jar of crushed athelas*

J: Where'd that come from?

F: I picked Aragorn's pocket.

J: Brilliant. Pirate through and through, eh?

F: Of course. *puts athelas on the wound* *opens second bottle of misc. elvish medicine*

J: And that?

F: Legolas's pocket.

J: Ah! *holds leg* Well, at least I'm not dead...

F: *wraps his leg again*

J: So, what shall we do now that the bloody King of LSR and his elf-bitch are dead?

F: That's Elessar, I think.

J: I don't care!!!

F: Fine, fine... what about that hobbit that was in here a while ago?

J: Ah, he'll be just fine, so long as he doesn't come here again. Damn fools interrupting our day.

F: I thought Aragorn was pretty-

J: PRETTY WHAT?

F: Just pretty.

V: Pretty hot.

W: Excuse me?

V: Oh calm down.

F: You heard her.

W: *sulks*

*snickers*

J: Yeah, but I didn't hear you.

F: Ok- now you do. He is pretty goddamn gorgeous.

J: But-

F: No, really. He is as gorgeous as you.

J: Damn.

F: That's allright, because he's got a wife and a child.

J: Where'd you hear that?

F: Oh, nowhere. *hides ROTK book*.

V: *snicker*

J: Right then. Since Annamaria took the Interceptor, we'll need to commandeer another ship. But since you nearly destroyed my plans by doing stupid things to get us killed and embarrassing me, Will- Francesca and I will be doing the commandeering.

V: what?!

F: *singing* Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

J: You're coming along, too, but we're commandeering the ship.

V: Not fair!

F: *stops singing* Yeah- that's not fair.

J: *gives her a look*

J: Alright...Victoria should commandeer too. Just not Will.

W: * glares at Jack*

W: Omea o korosu

Heero: Hey! that's my line!!!!!!

F: *drools*

Quatre: Heero? Heero? Where are you? We're going to the ice rink!

V: Oh my god...

Heero: coming quatre! DON'T U EVER USE MY LINE AGAIN! * points gun at will*

F: *to Heero* What's your name, melmë? (love)

V: Hey, no violence here! * pushes gun away*

H: Heero Yuy.

F: So, Heero... seeing anyone lately?

J: Bloody 'ell- not you too!

V: nice...* stares at heero*

H: Yes as a matter of fact I am.

F: Oh... *sweat drop* Who?

H: Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei.

F: Right.... *faints*

V: * sigh* All the cute ones are gay...

W: Hey! I'm not gay!

J: Bloody Japanese people...

H: Baka pirates...

J: At least I don't go to Japan and ruin your day.

H: Like I asked to be here.

J: Just go back to WHEREVER you came from before I shoot off your ass for a souvenier!

F: *wakes up* NOOOO!!!!

J: *cocks gun*

Duo: Hee-chan?! COME ON!

Duo. Good bye kisama. *dissapears*

V: God damnit Sparrow

J: KISA-MA BLOODY ASS!

V: He just called u a bastard 

F: Can you say 'jealous'?

W: Jealous.

F: *rolls eyes*

J: I am not jealous!

W: And the sky is green

F: You should've shot off his as so I could gild it and keep it. God, what an ass....

J: HEY!

V: I agree

W: HEY!

F: But I must admit, Sparrow- you've still got the best ass in the world.

J: Likewise.

F: Your ass is mine! But first we must commandeer a ship.

J: Alright. Come on, then. Francesca, Victoria.

V: *deathglare*

J: What?

V: Watch the name. Or do u not want to have children in the future?

J: Maybe I don't.

F: THINK, Jack. Children are made with....

J: Oh. *eyes widen* OH!!! N-no. Of course not, Vic.

W: uh oh....

V: * smiles* much better

F: But if Will threatens Jack or myself he'll go from William to Willemina in two seconds. Just a warning...

*Aragorn walks in*

V: Didn't we kill you?

J: Oh bloody hell! Not YOU!

W: I think we did.....

Aragorn: I am wearing a jacket of mithril. *rips open shirt*

F: *drools insanely*

V: That's nice, put ya shirt back on. Fran, close your mouth...you're droolin.

*Folken walks in*

Fo: I'm looking for the Wing Goddess.

V: Oh my fucking god.

F: *raises hand*

Fo: *walks over to Fran* Wing Goddess, please come with me, we must resurect the Dragon armor...

V: She's not the Wing Goddess I am! 

Fo: *confused*

J: Hell, I'm the Wing Goddess if you two are.

Aragorn: *chuckles*

Fran: *sighs*

J: Come off it!

Fo: Come with me Wing Goddess *sticks out mechanical hand*

V: What the hell?

Aragorn: *stares at metal hand*

Fran: Haha.

Fo: What?! God damnit I want to go destroy Geae all ready!

Aragorn: NAZGUL! *hacks off mechanical arm*

Fo: WHAT THE FUCK?! *mind blasts Aragorn*

J: *ROTFWL*

A: *dodges* BACK, FOUL THING!

Fo: *takes off cape and Wings come out* Fucking pain in my ass, I'm leaving. *takes off*

V: WHY DID U DO THAT?! * shakes Aragorn*

A: When a lady is in the clutches of the Nazgul, I must protect her!

F: DON'T SHAKE HIM HE'S TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE!!!!

V: FUCK HIM! I LIKE BLUE HAIRED MEN! *Legato walks in* * stops shaking Aragorn and stares at Legato*

*Haldir and the Lorien army march in*

V: oh my god, 2 many hot guys!

J: THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE PEOPLE WALKING IN EVERY FIVE BLOODY SECONDS!!!

Haldir: Silence, hairy one.

F: *cracks up*

V: * LMAO*

W: *snickers*

Haldir: *to Francesca* Greetings, my lady. I am Haldir of the realm of Lorien.

F: *almost drools* *remembers to close mouth* H-hi. I'm Francesca.

H: We have come to rescue the King of Gondor from this... whatever he is.

J: I'm CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW, and you're.... gay?

F: Sparrow! Honestly!!! *turns to Haldir* I am sorry for his... behavior. 

Le: *to Vic* Is Vash the Stampede here?

V: Noo...

Le: Damnit it knives.

Le: Then good bye *does his weird laughter and disapears*

V: *sigh* 

H: Why should you be responsible for this... Captain Sparrow's... behavior?

I am... *swallows* *whines* ...I belong to... *tries not to drool*...I'm Sparrow's girl.

H: Oh... I see....

J: *smiles*

F: *mutters* Wish I could take that back... Hot people... *whines sadly*

J: *frowns* What'd you mean by that?

F: Nothing!

V: I know how ya feel...

* Van walks in*

V: Oh my god...

Va: * to everyone* Has anyone seen my brother? Folken? Has one mechanical arm...

V: Yes! and who are you? 

F: *still staring at Haldir; realizes he dies later on* Ah shit... beauty never lasts... *tear drop*

H: Hm?

Va: I am Van Salanzar de Fanel, King of all Fanelia.

V: oh a king....*smiles*

F: *kisses Haldir for a long, long time*

J: FRANCESCA!!!!!

F: *gasps for air* First and last time I'll ever get to do that.

V: Uh oh..someone's gonna get it later...

H: Not the last, my lady.

F: No, seriously. The last.

H: *kisses F*

J: *stares* GET OFF MY GIRL!!!!!

H: *ignores him*

J: *grabs Haldir and throws him across the room*

Va: *stares* Um..ya...i have to go.... *disappears*

V: GOD DAMNIT!

H: *dizzy* My lady, I must see you again!

W: Oh dear....

F: *kisses him a really really really long time*

J: THAT'S IT. NO MORE! JACK SPARROW WILL NOT BE A FOOL!

F: Farewell, Haldir. I shall never see you again!!!

H: One day you might.

F: *mutters* Sure.. keep telling yourself that...

W: You'll never do that to me? Will you? * to Vic*

V: Um...no?

W: *glare*

V: Oh come off it, you know I'll always be yours.

W: Damn right

Haldir: Farewell, Nin meleth.

*entire army turns and marches away*

F: SPARROW!!!!!

J: *outside trying to commandeer a ship by himself*

F: Talk about 'don't do anything stupid'.

V: Ya, I think we should go help him....

J: *failing miserably*

F: Come on, Vic, Will. But please, Will- follow my lead. No self-sacrifice or random acts of stupidity. Got it?

W: I'll try.

F: Good. *draws sword, wraps cloth around the middle* Follow me. *Steps onto windowsill and puts sword over top of cable attached to window* *cable leads to the dock below* We're going to glide down. Come on!!! *hangs on sword- glides down the cable to the dock*

J: *mutters* That's my girl...

V: *jumps*

*guards attack J*

W: * jumps down*

*cord begins to snap*

*breaks*

V: *shakes head* Klutz, I swear...

F: *loud whisper* JUMP!!!

*guards turn around*

*Norrington turns around*

F: Oh no, not you!

N: Gillette, bring the men 'round to arrest these two. They're wanted for every crime imaginable.

F: Gillette? Love the shaving cream! *sings* I'm your Venus, I'm your fire...

J: *brows furrowed* What was that for..?

F: Nevermind...

V: Nice one!

J: Nice what?

F: Forget it, Sparrow! –DUCK!!!

*sword nearly chops off his head*

J: I owe you for that one, love.

F: Just fight!!!

J: *parries* Where's Will?

*clang clang*

F: Doing something stupid.

J: Right....

F: *dodges guard* Will, do me a favor and remember NOT to cut the cable in half by sliding down with the sharp end of the blade against the ...*knocks out guard* ...cable...*parries*... and no bandana around the middle of the..

J: ...Sword?

F: Yeah.

J: No no... Did he break his sword?

W: No.

J: Good. I've only got four shots left in this pistol an I'm not lettin' you 'ave them.

*Will attacks two guards, ready to kill*

F: WILLIAM TURNER! WE ARE NOT KILLING GUARDS!!!

W: I know! I'm just trying to stay alive!

*guard cuts off one of Francesca's fingernails*

F: KILL THEM ALL!!!

V:*raises eyebrow* now we CAN kill them?

F: They cut off my nail- THIS MEANS WAR!!! *skewers two officers*

V: Make up your bloody mind.

J: *stares at F* What the hell are you doing? WE DON'T KILL THEM!!! WE STEAL THE SHIP!!!

W: U mean this one? * stands on ship*

V: That's my Will. * Jumps on the ship and kisses will*

V: COME ON YOU TWO!

F: How about that? *kicks guard in the head* First to screw up, first to commandeer the ship. You've got competition, Jack.

J: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! I haven't got any competition to worry about.

F: Yes, we know. GET ON THE BLOODY SHIP!!!

J: No!!! I have to get more knickers!

F: VIC! THROW US A LINE! *points to rope hanging off the mast*

J: But the knickers!

F: For you?

J: No, just in case it's a little bumpy on the ship... we can stuff 'em and pad the floor...

V: *throws the line to F*

F: *grabs line* HANG ON, LOVE!

J: Love?

F: *holds onto line*

J: *puts his hands over hers*

*both swing onto the deck*

W: Nice of you to join us.

F: Knickers... honestly, Sparrow...

J: Must be very proud that you didn't do very many stupid things to almost get us killed, William. *looks at F* Well? What about the knickers? How are we going to pad the floor so we can-----

F: So we won't.

J: *eyes widen* NO! First the rum... then.... THIS!!!

V: You'll live Sparrow, so where to?

J: No, I can't live!

F: Yes you can.

J: I'LL DIE!!!

F: FINE FINE!!! Where are we heading off to?

J: Tortuga.

F: NO WE ARE NOT!

J: I have to give Gizelle her money that I owed her since last time I was there, before Will went with me.

V: Great thing to say....

F: Oh? And what, pray tell, was the money for? *glares* No, wait- let me think...

W: Nice job Jack.

J: You're the one who nearly became a great squish on deck. Bright one, you are.

F: We are not going to go see Gizelle to give her money from previous---

J: Whoa whoa- now, I have to give her the money! She's got this broth-

F: Brothel? That's what I thought.

J: I was going to say brother, but that's true...

W: You're signing your death sentence Sparrow

J: Shut your trap, eunuch.

F: JACK SPARROW!

V: Kisama.

F: JACK SPARROW- IF YOU GO TO TORTUGA---

J: I have to, love!

V: no you don't

J: What do you want of me, eh, Vic? You want my head stuffed on a wall next to all the fish and game?!

V: maybe

F: If you go to Tortuga- I will personally see to it that your head IS stuffed and put on that wall! 

J: But-

W: U know she'll do it

F: And you will NEVER see the captain's cabin with me again! 

J: No!

F: Oh yes- you go Tortuga, you won't see me again either, Jack Sparrow. And I won't be back to smack your face like the rest.

J: But it's not what you think!

V:lover's quarrel.

F: I don't care what it is you assume that I think- 

J: Whatever it is, IT'S NOT TRUE! Gizelle's my... cousin.

F: Goodnight, Mr. Sparrow. Good riddance. *walks below deck* *slams door*

J: Francesca!

V: Good job. * sarcastic*

J: *sits on crate in a huff* What'll I do now....*mutters to self* what'll I bloody do now...?

W: was what you said the truth?

J: What part?

V: All of it, none of it, or some of it..?

W: Which is it?

J: Eh... some of it...

V: ...And that would be?

J: That I need to go to Tortuga or she'll make me into a fine piece of Swiss cheese...

J: *continues* She's the mistress of the Commodore, as it were.

W: So? That still isn't your problem.

J: He's in charge of the king's navy! They'd love to know where I am and strap me to a cannon.

V:so basicaly she's blackmailing you

J: Yeah. Can't get one night with a girl in Tortuga without the whole navy on your tail.

W: What do you plan on doing about it?

J: I plan to pay her for that one night in Tortuga-- with interest *mutters* bloody women *continues* and try to escape Norrington's men in doing so; or at least make an escape worthy of Captain Jack Sparrow.

V: sounds like something you would do. Now go explain it to Fran.

J: Wish me luck *sighs* This ought to be interesting...

*opens door*

*closes it behind him*

*gunfire*

J: *comes back out*

V:what was that gun fire we heard?

J: *takes off hat* *shows them a hole straight through his hat* I don't think now's the best time...

V:*giggles*

W:*smirk*

J: I'd been out of luck for quite some time, but thanks to old Barbosa... *takes a handful of jewels out of his inside pocket* ...I've run into some methods of payment.

V: Well, that's all nice and all, but are you still going to Tortuga?

J: Every pirate knows how to sail to Tortuga. That's where they feel .... 'at home'.

W: That is true, but that doesn't answer her question.

J: Well we've got a ship- what else do we need?

V:*sigh* Should I go and attempt to explain this to Fran?

J: Yeah, but here- take this. *throws a piece of metal from one of the canons to her* Just in case.

V: What is this for?

J: In case she thinks it's me coming down the stairs and tries to shoot your head off.

V: I don't think she would do that....

J: Well then... But she has as good an aim as I do, and she would've castrated me in half a second had I not moved. And trust me- that is not... a pretty sight...

V: Alright, wish me luck. *walks to the captain's cabin door* * knocks* Francesca? It's Vicky.

F: Come in... come in. *V walks in* *closes door behind her* Let me guess... Jack sent you down?

V: Not really, I came of my own free will, and I think you need to here what Jack has to say.

F: Oh yes- I'd just love to hear more about his _adventures_ in Tortuga. What is it now- she also wants to marry him or is standard fee enough?

V: Well we got the story from Jack that this lady he has to see is the mistress of the Commodore. To make a long story short, she is blackmailing Jack.

bellamusica89: F: And with good re- the Commodore?

V: Yes, the Commodore.

F: That would explain why the entire army and navy are after him... Well, more than they usually are...

V: Exactly

F: But if he wants to sail to Tortuga- he'll have to go without me. I'm not going to stare his past in the face, if you catch my drift...

*back on deck*

J: Will, why do I have so much trouble with women nowadays?

W: *shrugs* It's just how you are

J: *rolls eyes* That's not the point, Turner.

J: *rolls eyes* That's not the point, Turner. Of course that's just me, but... why do I have such trouble KEEPING THEM???

W: Not entirely truthful with them usually are you?

J: Yes I- well... Usually... Half of the...... Well sometimes I... No.

W: See, that is why you can't keep them.

J: I want a girl to wake up to every morning and not have to expect to pay her for the night before! I want someone who's just as much a scoundrel as I am, with just as good a heart... With nowhere near as much bodily hair... *clears throat* The point is- she's mine to the end! And I'm willing to be honest- to her if no one else- just to keep her!!!

W: Well you should of told her the truth from the start then!

We will be posting more of this only if we receive requests to post. Thanks for reading! Please review when possible. 

-Sparrow's Angel 

-HeeroDuo4eva

  
  
  
  



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